How often do you find yourself burning the candle at both ends? I often have moments of “holy shit, when’s the last time I actually showered??” With two so close in age I am constantly struggling to find balance. Kids activities, lunches, whats for dinner, groceries, baths, nap times, sleep training, laundry, keeping the house relatively clean – and by relatively clean I mean using baby wipes for nearly everything and anything. The list goes on and on, however guess who barely makes the cut when it comes to that never ending list of shit – ME! The days are so jam packed and filled with GO GO GO moments, that I rarely ever stop and take a moment for myself.
Lately, its been worse than usual. When my husband got home last night from a late practice, I had just put A back down to bed after chugging down on yet another bottle. He’s gone from sleeping like a champ, to waking up 3-4 times a night (sleep regression hell!) A simple “how did it go tonight?” turned me into that psychotic she-bitch again. Im the first the admit that he takes the brunt of it when I’m stressed out. As much as I love being on maternity leave and able to spend this time with these littles, a huge part of me resents him wholeheartedly. I mean, hes having actual conversations with other adults during the day, instead of putting boppy the fucking bunny on the toilet for the 20th time, because apparently he also needs to be potty trained. But it is often those who see this nasty side of us who understand it best. And when I woke up this morning he had booked me a massage and decided to take the kids out for the day and give me some time to do sweet fuck all for a change. Even after all that, I still had the reflex to say No Thank You, I would rather spend time with you and the kids – like a damn robot programmed to not give two shits about myself. It didn’t last long though – I caught a glance of myself in the mirror and said oh fuck no, Im tapping out today. So, I got a much needed deep tissue massage, did some shopping, read a book, drank a HOT coffee and took an uninterrupted, guilt free afternoon nap. It was glorious, to say the least.
Its crazy how a few hours of not having to check a baby monitor, listen to a screaming child or get thrown up on can do so much good. Although I still look like I haven’t slept in over a decade (lets face it, no amount of concealer can really hide those fucking dark circles of exhaustion) I feel better about myself, and that is what’s most important.
So I dedicate this post to my husband – who after unnecessarily eating shit from me at 1am, not only got me to chill the fuck out today, but made me realize it shouldn’t take him for me to put myself first. We live in a society where it’s been embedded into our DNA that our kids should come first and anything other than that makes us selfish parents. But the fact of the matter is, as parents WE need to come first, because at the end of the day, no one drinks from an empty glass.
Take care of yourselves mammas